Super Serious and Important Epiphany (totally and definitely not a joke)

In this time of boredom, Clorox wipes, face masks no one had used until now but were still kept somewhere in the house for some reason, and the good-old-fashioned Flu are now part of us. Thanks to COVID19, we the people have reverted back to the simple things in life. Board games! Now I’m not talking about Tiddlywinks, that’s too simple. I mean the real stuff like Battleship, Connect Four, or even… *Dramatic Music* …Hungry Hungry Hippos.

There are still some of us that remember the time before the “Hazmat Era”. Children danced in the streets. The outdoors was inviting. Dolphins had not yet reached Italy. Businesses offered high fives and handshakes *tears*. But most noticeable of all, we the human race had not entirely devoted ourselves, neigh, pledged our souls to: recreational indoor games.

I guess we can thank the virus or the Good Lord Almighty for this switch-back to families enjoying board games again.

It was I, Keeper of the Knowledge Before the Incident (a large title makes you sound important), that realized a phenomenon! Every man, woman, and child now share this odd desire. “What is that desire”, you ask yourself?  

The desire is… wait for it… wait for it… ~suspense~ …to play and enjoy board games (and the like) as a mainstay activity. 

What is the profound significance of this revelation? Children used to go outdoors, enjoying the Earth, or indoors, enjoying the deep cyber realms. Adults used to constantly be “busy” with “Adulting”. But no longer. 

Today, children are trapped indoors with their parents, who are also trapped within the confines of their home, rather than a warm, cozy cubicle. 

This extremely unlikely scenario, also unofficially known as the “Free Saturday Effect”, is now taking hold of families nation-wide.

After recently discovering all of this, I have decided to document the results of this “Free Saturday Effect”. 

The figures featured in the right column refer to how many people enjoy playing the games listed. Multiply the number by a thousand to get the results.

As you can see, the results from the “Very Accurate Board Game Survey” speak for themselves. Uno is the reigning champion of indoor games with The Game of Life tagging along in second. However, Twister… ah, poor man… Twister got the bottom of the barrel of monkeys. That is to say, Twister got last place. *sad music*

What do these numbers symbolize? Obviously quantities, but what are they representing? These numbers mark a biased opinion. “So, Mr. Author,” you’re asking yourself, “Why is there biased information in this very not biased, very serious article?” Good question diligent reader. My answer to that is: my sources are anonymous and you’ll need to contact my lawyer if your questions persist. Good enough? Ok good. Bye.

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