Breakfast at Taco Bell is Okay

I find myself in the stressful predicament of wanting Taco Bell, but it’s just a tad early. It would seem as though I’m constantly suffering from this ordeal. Bright and early in the morning and the only thing to satiate my intense hunger is the crunchy goodness of a taco stuffed with dubious meat.
I can’t just microwave my tacos from the previous night, because it’ll end up a sloppy mess of wet-shell and rotten-guacamole-lettuce. So what am I to do to satisfy my craving for a taco in the morning?
Lucky for the early-bird Mexican connoisseur, Taco Bell has finally created a breakfast menu. Starring: The Waffle Taco. Yes, a waffle taco. It is a unique concoction brought to you by the ambitious, off-the-wall minds you can only find at the infamous, not-so-Mexican fast-food chain. For the sake of putting a story together, I was so bold as to try it. Don’t worry, my arteries are fine.
It is no surprise that the waffle taco is exactly what it sounds like: scrambled eggs swimming in cheese, your choice of sausage or bacon, and a waffle shell to carry it all. You’ll want to add syrup on top; it really completes the experience.
However, the breakfast-zilla doesn’t quite live up to the hype. Upon opening the box, my excitement quickly faded as I beheld the great reveal. It’s tiny. And… I thought it was a chili dog at first.
I did not expect to have a problem with liking it, but the first problem I had (apart from the size, look, and smell) was how difficult it was to hold. You have to grip it from the base with another hand on top, and a third hand to keep the contents from spilling out. It goes without saying how difficult it is to use a napkin, and you really need at least 17 of them with all the syrup.
Second, the taste was mediocre at best. The waffle was stale, the eggs were tepid and slimy on the tongue, and the sausage was so-so. It may have just been my taco that was disappointing, or perhaps the chefs inside are still a little green with the recipe.
But for the time being, I give the Waffle Taco a .04/5 stars, but that may be slightly biased since I had been so excited to try it.
A much better alternative wwould be anything else on the Taco Bell breakfast menu. Try the AM Crunch Wrap, or maybe the Cinnabon Balls, and you won’t be disappointed. To chase it, order a Mountain Dew AM. In a nutshell, it’s orange juice fused with Mountain Dew. It’ll be the next Ovaltine, I’m sure.  They’ve entirely eliminated the need for coffee.
While on the topic, allow me to make a suggestion to the innovative geniuses at Taco Bell: Brew your coffee with Mountain Dew instead of water. We’ll call it Mountain Dew: Ten Bucks If You Live to the PM.
All joking aside, Taco Bell is a decent place to break-your-fast. But if you are in the business of eating fast-food at 7am anyway, why not just stick to McDonald’s? Seriously, you’re guaranteed a hearty biscuit or English muffin that you know you’ll be satisfied with, so why bother going to Dick’s when you know Academy will be, and always has been, your favorite sporting-goods store?
I would say to Taco Bell: stick to what you do best, and don’t meddle with what’s been done so well at other establishments. Because when I think “tacos” or “burritos”, images of Taco Bell pop up in my head. Whereas when I think “breakfast”, places like Denny’s or McDonald’s and sometimes Whataburger still comes to mind.
My point being, Taco Bell knows how to turn Dorito’s chips into Tex-Mex goodness, so they should stick to that. Let the breakfast kings handle what they do best.

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